Working on difficult cases where the victim is young, or dead, or seriously injured, or portrayed in a horrible way can be a big issue for a lot of people who are going into this kind of profession. Victims are very easy to empathize with, and you begin to feel all of these emotions that really detract from you being able to deal with the case and find evidence in a way that doesn't make you so angry that you start making mistakes. Keeping your emotions in check is a big part of working the police, or the FBI or any kind of law enforcement agency. And keeping your emotions in check doesn't mean you don't care or empathize with the victim, what it means is that you're doing your job to the best of your ability and not letting emotions take you somewhere bad where you cannot do your job to the best of your ability.
I have been mentally preparing myself since Thursday night. This coming week, I have the opportunity to work on a large child pornography case that is relatively new, and a huge deal, thanks to the amount of child porn they actually found on this guy's hard drive. I am going to have to look at this stuff. I'm going to have to go through it in order to help nail this guy to the wall, and make sure he never gets out of jail and hurts another child, or facilitates the hurting of a child.
Right now, I am angry at this man. I'm completely pissed that he could do something like this, and I despise the fact that he has hurt these children. But at the same time, I'm working towards stepping back and getting a grip on my emotions. I need to be able to help this case. Not hinder it. And you know, it really does suck. Thinking about what this man has done just makes me flinch with disgust and it makes me feel gross on the inside and makes my skin feel so oily and gross... but I have to put that aside and just take it one moment at a time and really help make a difference in this case. More to come.
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